


Pretend There's No Tomorrow

by leenaelizabeth



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: AU, Drinking, F/M, First Kiss, M/M, One Shot, Oral, Party, Pining, Smut, bad smut lmao, cinema, mild drug use, some agnst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 17:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leenaelizabeth/pseuds/leenaelizabeth
Summary: “Did you mean it?” He asked.Ronan was quiet for a moment, “Not all.”“But some?” Adam looked at him, watching him.Ronan glanced at him, “You work too hard.” Was all he said.~~~Adam and Ronan have a fight at a party.





	Pretend There's No Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a quick one shot that I wrote today. I haven't written in a while, and this is the first time I have been able to like an idea and stick to it. So I hope you enjoy!  
> *There is some mild smut at the end. It's my first time writing smut, so I hope it's not too bad lmao*

When Gansey had asked Adam to attend the party his parents were throwing, Adam had initially said no. Firstly, there was no way he would be able to get time off work, and secondly… Well, he just didn’t see himself being able to mingle with rich snobs for hours on end. But somehow he ended up at the Gansey’s mansion, leaning against a wall in the back of the large dining room, nursing a beer. He had given up socializing almost instantly and had slunk off to hide in the dark corners of the Gansey house.

Ronan and Blue had also come, but Adam had quickly lost sight of them once the night began. He had seen Gansey being his normal, charming self – being the perfect host. Adam was envious of his ability to talk to people in this setting, but also just not. This wasn’t the type of thing Adam was into, and he couldn’t see himself doing this regularly. He had only come because Ronan had basically forced him to, calling into work on his behalf. That had resulted in a huge argument, one that they still hadn’t really talked about; instead just ignoring each other and hoping the problem would eventually go away.

Adam took a sip of his now lukewarm beer, grimacing at the taste. He had never been a fan of beer, or alcohol in general really. The smell of beer made his insides squirm, but he forced himself to keep drinking in hopes that this night would end quicker.

It’s not that Adam wasn’t having a good time (except it was exactly that), it was mostly due to the fact that he was in a sour mood and that the suit Gansey had forced Adam into was uncomfortable and was definitely the most expensive thing Adam had ever put onto his body. That fact alone made Adam anxious, knowing that any stains would be costly to get out. He had refrained from eating the food that had been going around all evening due to this, even though his stomach growled.

Adam stared out into the large groups of people milling around the living room, only one of the rooms done up for the party Mrs. Gansey was hosting. Adam wasn’t entirely sure what the event was for, some electoral thing he assumed. Classical music floated through the room, played by a man in a bowler’s hat in the corner. Adam couldn’t locate Blue or Ronan but could see Gansey going from person to person, a smile Adam could tell was forced on his face. Gansey hid it well though, the fact that this wasn’t an environment he was truly comfortable in. Adam admired how he went from group to group, making conversation seemingly effortlessly. It was a skill that Adam had not mastered and doubted he ever would.

Sighing, Adam downed the rest of his drink and made his way back towards the bar. Even though the thought of alcohol made him feel weird inside, holding a glass gave him something to do. And at this point, six hours in, Adam needed all the distractions he could get.

Ronan was sitting at the bar as Adam got there, seemingly staring into the brown liquid in his cup. He didn’t notice Adam next to him until he spoke, “You alright?” The first words Adam had spoken to Ronan since the night before when they had arrived at the Gansey house and had a small argument about Ronan calling into Adam’s work. It would have gone on far longer if Blue hadn’t intervened and basically dragged Adam towards the room she was sleeping in, claiming to need his help. She didn’t but apparently couldn’t deal with Ronan and Adam fighting. Which, was fair enough really.

Ronan looked up at Adam, and he looked like shit. Adam said as much, resulting in Ronan giving him the finger. Ronan looked exhausted, drained. His suit, which had been perfectly tailored and wrinkle-free at the beginning of the evening, was rumpled and untucked. His tie was skewed and loose, his suit jacket missing. Even looking like a complete mess, Adam couldn’t help but admit that Ronan looked good. He always did, even when he was trashed. Adam hated himself for thinking like that, for having that small tingling feeling whenever Ronan looked at him, whenever Ronan spoke. It was nothing, Adam often told himself, trying to ignore the fact that these feelings weren’t normal. He shouldn’t feel this way about a person that was barely his friend, that wasn’t nice to him and that was just a complete dick in general. Sure, Ronan had some good moments, but the bad sure outweighed the good.

“It’s pretty fucking shit in here,” Ronan said before downing the rest of his glass, wincing slightly as he did so. Adam didn’t know what Ronan was drinking, but he assumed it was strong.

Adam glanced around the room, taking in the suits and the fancy dresses, the classical music and the fancy food being brought around by waiters. It was definitely out of his comfort zone and considering how Ronan usually lived – completely out of his too.

“Thought this was a rich kid thing,” Adam said, signaling to the bartender to get him whatever Ronan was drinking.

Ronan snorted, “Dad was a recluse.” Was all he said. The bartender put the drink in front of Adam, and Ronan instantly grabbed it, taking a gulp. Sighing, Adam asked for another. “This is a Gansey thing.”

Adam didn’t speak for a moment, taking a sip of the drink that the bartender put in front of him, wincing as the alcohol burned his throat. “It is pretty fucking shit.”

Ronan let out a small huff of breath, one that could almost be considered a laugh. Adam’s stomach flipped at the thought, and he immediately took another drink, trying to drown out the thoughts in his own head. He couldn’t have feelings for Ronan. It was Ronan, for God’s sake. 

“You look like you’re about to puke. Can’t handle your alcohol?” Ronan asked as he downed the rest of his drink before wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his white shirt and standing up. He swayed a little on his feet before steadying himself, looking back at Adam almost expectantly.

“Fuck you.” There was no heat in Adam’s words. Adam stood also, the world spinning around him slightly. He had barely had three drinks, but already he was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. He didn’t want to know how many Ronan had had. Ronan began to weave his way through the crowd, stumbling slightly every now and then. “Where are we going?” Adam called, trying to keep up.

Ronan didn’t reply, heading towards the glass doors that lead to the lavish gardens that surrounded the Gansey estate. The house didn’t look like somewhere that two children had grown up, where a family had been raised. It seemed too cold, too big. Granted, Adam didn’t really have the best childhood himself, so he couldn’t really pass judgment. But the house, the acres of land that it sat upon… It confused him how someone like Gansey had grown up here, and somehow became the person he was. Ronan pushed open the doors, the cold night air hitting Adam in the face. It was a welcome cold, Adam had not been aware of how hot it was inside, how stuffy it had been. Being outside made Adam hesitant to even go inside again.

Adam followed Ronan through the yard, through archways made of bushes and hedges manicured to look like birds. Adam didn’t have a clue where he was going, but Ronan seemed to know – Made his way through the gardens as if it was second nature. Adam assumed he had spent a lot of time here, after his father’s death. He knew the Gansey family had taken in Ronan as their own, helped him get away from the Barns, from his mother shutting down and from his brothers.

“Where are we going?” Adam repeated, his voice too loud amongst the silence. There was no sound in the garden, not even from bugs or traffic. It was like they were so far from any civilization, hidden away from the world around them. Maybe Adam was just drunk, which he probably was, but he never wanted to leave the gardens.

Ronan didn’t reply once more, sitting down on a patch of grass hidden behind a bush made to look like a bird. Adam would have missed the grass if he had not been looking for it, which was probably why Ronan had decided to go there. Ronan leaned up against the side of the Gansey mansion, his head resting on the bricks. His eyes were closed, his head angled towards the night sky. It was an image that Adam never wanted to forget: the serene look on Ronan’s face, his rumpled suit. Watching him made Adam’s heart skip a beat, made him forget who he was. It was probably the alcohol talking, but Adam had never seen a sight more beautiful than the boy in front of him.

Ronan opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Adam, patting the grass next to him. “Are you gonna sit, or just stand there all night staring at me like a weirdo?” His words were slurred slightly.

Adam sat next to him, pulling his legs up to his chest. “How much have you had to drink?” Adam asked, his voice quiet.

“Not nearly enough,” Ronan replied before he fished something out of his pocket. A lighter and what Adam assumed was a cigarette. 

“Didn’t know you smoked.”

“It’s just weed,” Ronan said before bringing the joint to his lips and lighting it, inhaling deeply before blowing out the smoke. He took it out of his mouth, offering it to Adam. Adam shook his head, and Ronan shrugged before inhaling again.

Adam stared out at the luscious garden in front of him, squinting through the darkness. “Why did you call into my work?” He asked after a minute of silence. The question had been bugging him all night, he couldn’t make sense of it.

Ronan shrugged, exhaling smoke. “Why not?”

“Because not everyone has a trust fund to fall back on.” Adam couldn’t help the anger in his words.

“Relax. You won’t lose your jobs.” Ronan didn’t look at him while he spoke, staring at the night sky.

“What did you do, pay them to let me have time off?” Adam asked, hysteria building in his voice.

“And if I did?”

Adam stared at him for a moment, “You didn’t.” Ronan didn’t look at him. “Lynch, you did not.” Again, nothing from Ronan. No movement except to bring the joint to his lips once more. “Are you that out of touch that you think that’s okay? That that’s acceptable in society?”

Ronan looked at him then, “You won’t lose your jobs.” Was all he said before turning away once more.

Adam couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing, what Ronan was telling him. Ronan paid his jobs to keep him on, to let him have time off. “I can’t believe this.” His words were almost a whisper, barely a noise at all. 

“Better believe it, buddy.” Ronan’s voice was monotone, his words lacking any emotion.

Adam didn’t want to think about the repercussions of Ronan’s actions, about how work would treat him differently now they had been bribed to let Adam keep his jobs. He couldn’t wrap his head around how Ronan thought he could do that, and it would be okay. Was he actually insane? Had he lost touch of reality so badly? And if so, how had Adam not noticed?

“You had no right,” Adam said, his voice breaking slightly in anger. “You had absolutely no right to do that.”

Ronan took one last long drag of his joint before he snuffed it out on the dirt, throwing the butt in the garden. “Maybe not. But it happened.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Adam hissed.

Ronan turned his head to look at him, a smile on his face. “What isn’t.” The smile was more a show of teeth than a real smile. A fake smile, one Adam had seen often. “No thank you, then?” Ronan drawled.

“Why would I thank you?”

Ronan lifted his arms, gesturing to the garden around him. “For bringing you here, for getting you out of the shitty jobs that make you work too hard.”

“You bribed my work so I would keep your drunk ass company?” The words sounded fake, they couldn’t be true. No way was that the reason for all of this.

Ronan shrugged, “Guess so.”

Adam stood up suddenly, “This is fucking ridiculous.” Adam turned around, about to make his way back to the party before he stopped, spinning around to face Ronan, “Do you know what your problem is Ronan? You-“

“No, do you know what your problem is Adam?” Ronan interrupted him, pulling out a flask from who knows where and taking a sip. He winced slightly as the alcohol went down his throat. He held up his hand, pointing at Adam. His hand was shaking. “Do you know what your problem is, Adam Parrish?”

Adam stopped breathing, “And what’s that?” He didn’t want to be having this conversation. He wished he had never come, wished he had called his jobs and taken back his shifts. The situation felt bad, the air around them sparking with drunken anger.

“You think you’re above everyone.” 

Adam let out a bark of laughter, “You’re kidding right?”

“You think you’re better than me? You think just because you work, because you earned it, that you’re a better person than I am? Is that what you think, Adam Parrish.” Ronan spat his name out like they were poison.

“I did earn it. You want me to feel bad because you were handed _millions of dollars_ for absolutely fucking nothing?” Adam laughed.

Ronan waved his hand around, like Adam had proved the point he was trying to make – whatever the fuck that was. “Why don’t you just say it?”

“Say what?”

“That you’re better than us. Than me, than Gansey. You think you’re a better person because you didn’t grow up like this,” he motioned towards the house, towards the gardens, “You’re disgusted by us, aren’t you? You hate yourself for letting yourself become friends with us. Gansey and I, with our _millions of dollars_.”

Adam couldn’t get his head around what Ronan wanted him to say, what his point really was. “I don’t-“

“No, you don’t, do you Adam? Everyone applauds you for working three jobs, but that doesn’t make you entitled to anything.”

“I’m entitled? What the _fuck_ are you even saying?”

Ronan took another swig of his flask. He closed his eyes, leaning against the wall. “You are not better than me.” Was all he said.

Adam let out an exasperated noise, “If you say so.” He turned around, stopping for a moment before speaking once more. “No, you know what? No. I am not letting you do this shit.”

“Go ahead. Prove my point.” Ronan said, taking another drink from his flask. His words were slurred, and Adam doubted Ronan could even see straight at that point.

“I work three jobs. I paid to put myself through Aglionby. I pay for _everything_ myself. You do not get to sit there, shitting on me because I didn’t grow up in a rich family. You do not get to sit there and tell me I’m ‘entitled’ when you grew up with a golden fucking pacifier in your mouth. You are not allowed to.”

“Oh, I’m not entitled to that?” Ronan smirked, his gaze not moving from the garden before him.

“You’re not entitled to fuck up my life! You are not entitled to meddle in my jobs. Get off your fucking high horse, Lynch. You are not fucking entitled to pay off my jobs. Do you know what that makes me look like? Did you ever consider that?”

Ronan shrugged, “Obviously not.” He took another sip of his drink.

Adam threw his hands in the air, “You’re impossible!”

“I’m entitled to that,” Ronan said simply.

“Fuck you.” Adam spat before stalking away, leaving Ronan sitting there.

He couldn’t get his head around the argument, about how Ronan could sit there and call him entitled. How dare he. Adam walked back into the party, the noise of the room hitting him all at once. He had to get out, he had to leave.

He pushed his way through the crowd, vaguely aware of the dirty looks that were being thrown his way. He couldn’t make out faces, everyone muddling together as one as he made his way through the room.

“Adam?” The words sounded like they were underwater like they were filtering through the air. Someone grabbed his shoulder, “Adam, what’s wrong?” Gansey.

Adam shrugged him off, trying to control his breathing as he made his way towards the grand staircase. His room was upstairs, only a little bit longer. Gansey grabbed him again, turning him around so they were facing each other.

“Did something happen?” Gansey said, concern shining in his eyes. Adam was vaguely aware of Blue standing beside Gansey, her hair a mess and her dress hitched up her thigh slightly. She had a mirror image of Gansey’s concern on her face.

“Nothing,” Adam said, his words hollow. He felt empty, he could feel nothing but the cold, dark emptiness that was threatening to swallow him whole.

“Was it Ronan?” Gansey asked.

The mention of his name made Adam’s head and heart hurt. “Ask him.” Was all he said before he shook off Gansey’s arm and turned, making his way up the staircase and finally, finally, reaching the guest room he had been appointed.

He pushed his way in, sliding his back down the door as he tried to take gulping breaths of air. He couldn’t fill up his lungs enough, couldn’t calm his thundering heart. His hands were shaking, his whole body was trembling. He brought his legs up to his chest, hugging them close to him as he put his head on his knees. Breathe, he had to breathe. It was harder than it should have been, to take a breath of air. He could feel tears staining his cheeks, his eyes stinging.

Eventually, he managed to calm down enough to lock the door behind him and make his way towards the queen bed, toeing off his shoes before climbing into the bed fully clothed. His eyes were heavy, and it was hard to keep them open. Whether that was due to the alcohol or the panic attack – he wasn’t entirely sure. But he drifted to sleep almost instantly, grateful for the darkness to take him.

~ ~ ~

The drive home from the Gansey mansion the next day was quiet, tense. Even though Blue and Gansey tried to keep up the conversation, it was obvious that no one was in the mood. Ronan and Adam refused to look at each other, to utter a word in the other’s direction. Ronan had pulled out his phone and earbuds and had blasted music the entire way home, ignoring any attempts of Blue or Gansey to get him to talk, to eat. Adam hadn’t been much better, staring out the Pig’s window the entire time. Eventually, Blue and Gansey gave up and talked amongst themselves - whispered conversations that Adam didn’t care to hear.

When they dropped him off at St. Agnes’, Adam felt numb as he made his way up the stairs and into the shithole that he called a home. Really, it was better than the alternative, which was living at his parent’s house. Or Monmouth. Anything was better than that.

~ ~ ~

Ronan and Adam didn’t talk for two weeks. 

It was the longest they had gone after an argument without making up, without one of them coming to apologize (or more often than not, ignore the argument completely and turn up at the others house and never speak of it again). But this time it was different. The argument had felt more personal, more… _final_ than any of the ones they’d had before.

Gansey and Blue had tried to fix it, had tried to get them to talk about whatever the hell had happened that night. They had no idea what happened, but they knew it wasn’t good.

Adam had almost completely shut down, his days consisting of school, work, eat and sleep. The world seemed like it was in shades of grey like the world had lost its colour since the night at Gansey’s. He didn’t know why it had affected him so much, possibly due to the fact that he thought he and Ronan were friends, but most probably due to the fact Adam had a crush on him. Or _had_ , he didn’t know where he stood with Ronan now, how his feelings were.

He had realised that he had feelings for Ronan the night after he had gotten back. The realisation wasn’t a good one, knowing that Ronan apparently had hated him the entire time. Adam wasn’t gay, he had always like girls but Ronan… Ronan was different. There was something about him that made Adam’s stomach knot, that made his heart race. Ronan was dangerous, Adam knew that, but he also just wasn’t. The tough exterior was a shell, and Adam had only ever seen glimpses of what was underneath – who was underneath.

There was a knock on his door.

Adam stared at it, his heart pounding in his chest. He almost didn’t want to answer it, the anticipation of who it might be almost too much. Could it be Ronan? Or maybe someone else. Not many people knew where he lived, not many even knew the quaint little church to have an apartment inside. 

It might be his dad.

The thought made his even more anxious. Had his dad found out where he lived, came to finish off what he had started? Adam touched his left ear, the ear completely deaf after his dad had beat him. And Ronan had come and saved him. Adam dropped his hand, letting it fall into his lap, as he stared at the door. Willing whoever it was to knock again.

_Knock, knock._  
Adam pushed himself off his rickety bed and approached the door, wishing it had a peep hole. It had never been an issue before, but now… Adam almost considered asking the landlady if she could install one. He paused before the door, his hand on the knob, taking a deep breath before he opened it.

“Adam.” It was Blue. Her hair was tied in bunches with colourful fabric, her dress a mix-match of two sewed together (one blue denim, one red). The outfit was so Blue, something only she could pull off.

“Hey,” Adam said in reply, moving backward so she could walk into the room. She looked around as she did, spinning in a tight circle.

“I’ve never been here before,” She said with a small smile, “It’s nice.”

Adam snorted, “You don’t have to lie, I’m aware it’s shit.”

The apartment was barely big enough for one person, let alone two, so Blue sat on the one chair he owned and Adam sat on the bed. Blue fidgeted with her dress, tugging on the sleeves as she refused to meet Adam’s gaze.

“Everything okay?” Adam asked eventually, guessing that Blue had come here for a reason and would say what that reason was without some prompting.

“Gansey and I kissed.” She blurted out.

“Oh.” It was possibly the last thing Adam had expected her to say, “That’s… good?”

“I don’t want you to be mad. At him. Or me.” She fiddled with a large pearl bracelet that was on her tiny wrist.

“Why would I be?” Adam asked, cocking his head to one side as he watched her. It was possibly the most frazzled he had ever seen Blue.

“Because, you know…” She motioned between the two of them, “And you’re his friend.”

“I don’t care,” Adam said, watching the look of relief flitter across Blue’s face, “I’m happy for you.”

“It was at the party. Gansey’s parent’s party.” Adam remembered back to when Gansey had stopped him at the staircase, how Blue’s hair had been a mess and her dress had ridden up her thigh. He hadn’t noticed it at the time but now it made sense. “I think we’re dating.”

Adam smiled at her, his first real smile in almost two weeks. “That’s good. Are you happy?”

Blue smiled back at him, “I am.” She looked happy, more so than the brief time they had dated. He didn’t know if he could call it that. They had never kissed, had never gone further than a hug or holding hands. He had been upset when they ended it, had thought that she was _the one_. He had never imagined being happy for her when she told him that she was dating one of his friends. Possibly his best friend.

“Good.”

“Are you and Ronan okay?” Blue said quickly. Adam had known it was coming, had been waiting for it for a couple of days.

Adam shrugged, “He’s a dickhead.”

Blue made a motion with her hand as if it to say _tell me something I don’t know_ , “No shit, but I’m sick of him walloping around.” 

“I doubt that.” Adam said, glancing away from Blue and staring at the wall.

Adam couldn’t imagine Ronan was too upset to ‘wallop’, he had instigated the fight. Had said all that horrible stuff to Adam just to make him feel bad. Wouldn’t Ronan be happy? Adam had assumed that was what he wanted, for them to no longer be friends. Maybe he had found out that Adam liked him, realized it was too much and wanted out. It would make sense.

Blue made a frustrated noise, “Every time anyone mentions you he looks like he wants to kill something. He misses you.”

Adam snorted, “That sounds like the opposite of _miss_.”

“Just sort your shit out,” Blue said, standing up. She was obviously frustrated with him, and Adam assumed she had had a conversation with Ronan that ended a similar way.

“I’m happy for you and Gansey,” Adam said softly, standing up also. He walked to the door, opening it.

Blue’s expression softened, and she put her hand on his shoulder. “He misses you too. Gansey.” Since the fight, Adam had talked Gansey only once in the two weeks. He had been with Ronan every time Adam had seen him, and Adam did not want to deal with that shit show. Not yet, possibly not ever.

“I’ll think about it.” Was all he said. He would have to talk to Ronan eventually. Blue smiled at him and walked out of the door with a small wave, a smile on her face.

Adam closed the door behind her, suddenly drained of all energy. He laid on the bed, falling asleep without even meaning to.

~ ~ ~

Blue had invited him out to a movie with her and Gansey. He knew he would be the third wheel, but it had been so long since he had talked to Gansey, and honestly a while since he had left the house to do anything but work and go to school, that he had agreed.

He regretted that decision almost instantly when he walked up and saw Ronan standing with them. He almost turned around and walked away, but Blue basically ran up to him and grabbed his arm.

“Do not.” She hissed, steering him back towards the group.

“Traitor.” He hissed back. She grinned at him, her face a picture of innocence. Sighing, Adam let himself be dragged towards where Gansey and Ronan stood. Gansey was smiling at him, and Ronan was staring anywhere but where Adam was. He was staring at the ceiling when he finally joined them.

Gansey held up a fist and Adam bumped it, “Good to see you, man.” Gansey said.

“Been a while,” Adam said, guilt in his voice. It had been a while, and Adam felt bad for leaving his friend like that. Gansey had been nothing but supportive, ever the gentleman. Adam felt bad for basically abandoning him for the past couple weeks.

Adam glanced at Ronan, who was still staring at the ceiling and sighed. He listened to Blue and Gansey excitedly chatting about the movie they were about to see, but Adam could barely hear them. It took all of his focus not to stare at Ronan, to force Ronan to look at him. It hurt more than Adam could have anticipated, being this close to Ronan but being treated like he didn’t exist.

Blue and Ronan headed into the cinema after a couple more minutes of talking, leaving Adam and Gansey to get snacks. Adam had hesitated at the checkout, considering not getting anything at all. But then his stomach growled, and he made the mental calculations to figure out if he could afford popcorn. He ended up buying it, trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him it was a bad idea.

Gansey had bought two huge drinks and a large popcorn and struggled to carry them until Adam offered to take something. Immediately, Adam had a large drink in his hand and Adam had the feeling that had been the plan all along. 

The advertisements were already playing when Gansey and Adam entered the cinema, and they found Ronan and Blue sitting at the very back of the theatre. There were two seats left, one next to Blue and one next to Ronan. When Gansey quickly took the seat next to Blue, Adam couldn’t help but feel, once again, that this had all been planned. Taking a deep breath and throwing a glare towards where Gansey and Blue sat, whispering in each other’s ears, he sat down next to Ronan. Ronan didn’t look at him, didn’t even glance his way.

It hurt. It hurt more than Adam cared to admit. His heart seemed to break even more, his mind spiraling into darkness. Ronan had meant everything he said. He had hoped he hadn’t, that is was said in the heat of the moment. A drunken argument. But Adam had to face the facts. That it had been weeks since the argument, and still Ronan refused to look at him, refused to make any sort of conversation. Adam contemplating leaving, because he didn’t know if he could handle sitting next to someone who obviously hated him for the next couple of hours. He couldn’t enjoy the movie, that was for sure.

The lights dimmed and music started blaring. Adam took a deep breath and leaned towards Ronan, holding the popcorn bucket towards him. “Help yourself.” He said, hating how his words hitched slightly, hoping Ronan wouldn’t notice.

For the first time in weeks, Ronan looked at him. It was nothing more than a glance, and almost immediately Ronan’s stare returned to the large screen. Adam let the popcorn bucket drop to his side, feeling like an idiot. Ronan didn’t want his popcorn. Why would he?

~ ~ ~

Adam didn’t know what the movie was about, could barely concentrate on what was happening on the screen over the screaming in his head. Seeing Ronan had made it worse, had made everything worse. He could see him out the corner of his eye, his jaw clenched and his body tense. He had done this, had made Ronan like this.

Adam stood, his bucket of popcorn falling to the floor with the sudden movement. He could feel the eyes of Gansey, Blue, and Ronan on him as he left the row and made his way out of the theatre, basically running by the end of it.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t sit next to the person who hated him, who thought so little of him. Who he liked, who he had possibly come to love. It hurt him too much and he couldn’t do it.

Adam hurried through the theatre towards the exit doors, needing that fresh air on his face. He couldn’t breathe. He needed to leave.

“Adam.” A voice called after him. Adam closed his eyes. Ronan. Adam kept walking, pushing his way out of the building and into the streets of Henrietta. He had walked here, not having enough fuel to waste on a trip like this. So he began walking toward St. Agnes’.

“Adam, wait.” Ronan again.

Adam whirled around, startling slightly to see Ronan so close to him. He quickly recovered. “What?” He said, not unkindly.

“Are you okay?” Ronan was looking anywhere but Adam, fidgeting with the bands on his wrist.

Adam let out a laugh, “You’re kidding, right?”

Ronan looked at him then, this eyes piercing into Adam’s own. “No.” Was all he said.

“No, I am not okay.”

“Why?”

Adam stared at him, “You know why. You fucking _know_ why, Lynch.” It felt like the world was playing one big joke.

“Do you want a lift?” Ronan asked.

Adam looked at the sky, at the clouds beginning to gather. It would rain soon, probably on his way home. “No.” Adam would rather walk in the rain than be in that car with Ronan.

“Okay.” Was all Ronan said before he walked past Adam.

“Where are you going?” Adam asked after a moment, watching the other boy for a couple more steps.

“I’m walking you home,” Ronan said simply.

“Why?”

Ronan looked at him, “You know why.”

Adam didn’t entirely know why, but he followed after Ronan. They walked together, in silence. A strange silence, one that Adam wanted to break yet keep at the same time. He kept glancing at Ronan, not knowing what the other boy was thinking. He didn’t know what his motives were, and contrary to Ronan’s belief; he wasn’t sure why Ronan was doing it. Why he had decided to walk Adam home, especially if he hated him as much as Ronan said. It was confusing, and it hurt Adam’s head to think about.

It began to rain halfway to St. Agnes’. Softly at first, but then it came harder and faster. Adam stared up at the sky in anger. The two boys continued to walk in silence, though it was becoming harder for Adam to keep it.

Eventually, he broke. “Did you mean it?” He asked.

Ronan was quiet for a moment, “Not all.”

“But some?” Adam looked at him, watching him.

Ronan glanced at him, “You work too hard.” Was all he said.

They were quiet for the rest of the walk. By the time they got to the church, Adam was drenched, shivering. Ronan was soaked also, and Adam had to avoid looking at him. Ronan’s shirt had gone transparent, sticking to his stomach, showing the toned body underneath. Adam swallowed, trying to push down his attraction. Ronan didn’t like him like that.

Ronan walked him to the door that lead to his apartment, and they both paused. Adam watched as an expression he couldn’t name flittered across Ronan’s face before it went back to neutral.

“Thank for walking me,” Adam said after a moment, unsure of what to do now. Did he invite Ronan up? Did he say goodbye? He didn’t want to say goodbye.

Ronan looked at him, really looked at him. He could feel Ronan’s eyes going over his face, dipping to his lips, skating over his wet body. It felt like he was undressing him with his eyes, and Adam couldn’t help but feel turned on, even though he tried his best not to be.

Ronan nodded but hesitated. “Did you mean it?” He asked, repeating Adam’s earlier question.

“Not all of it.”

Ronan smiled then, “But some?”

Adam was about to reply when Ronan leaned in and kissed him.

It felt surreal at first, and Adam almost couldn’t believe it was happening. But it was, and Adam had waited too long and Ronan was pulling away. He knew Ronan was going to say something to ruin this, to hide his feelings and to pretend it never happened. Adam didn’t let him, leaning forward and capturing his mouth once more.

Ronan let out a little noise, pushing Adam against the door. Adam let his tongue flick out, let Ronan deepen the kiss. Ronan pressed him against the door, his hands finding their way to Adam’s body, one in Adam’s hair and the other on the small of his back, pressing him into Ronan.

Adam moaned at the contact, fumbling with he doorhandle and letting them stumble into the small landing. It took a moment of readjusting, but Ronan hoisted Adam up, not breaking the kiss, and began walking them up the stairs towards Adam’s apartment.

It felt too good to be true. Adam couldn’t believe this was actually happening, that Ronan was kissing him like this. Like he wanted to, like he needed to. Ronan put Adam down at the top of the stairs, letting the other boy fumble around to try and find the keys to let them in. Eventually, he managed to get the door open and was almost instantly pressed back up against it, his mouth finding Ronan’s once more.

“You have a thing for doors, huh.” Adam breathed, pulling his mouth away to plant kisses along Ronan’s throat. Adam had been kissed before, had had sex before, but it had never felt like this. The girls he had been with had been flings, things to try and take his mind off of what was happening at the time. This… This was something different.

Ronan didn’t reply, just brought Adam’s mouth back up to his with his hand before walking backward towards the small bed that was shoved in the corner. Ronan pushed Adam on the bed when they were close enough, Adam bouncing slightly as he landed. He pushed his way towards the head of the bed, watching as Ronan crawled over him.

“I thought you hated me,” Adam said softly, putting a hand on Ronan’s shaved head.

“I could never,” Ronan replied, lowering his body onto Adam’s.

“You sure acted like it.”

“So did you,” Ronan said, and Adam couldn’t argue with that. They had both said some shitty things that night. 

Ronan kissed Adam once again, this time softer and less hurried. Still intense, still enough to make Adam come undone, to want Ronan to take him then and there. He didn’t know if Ronan was a virgin, it wasn’t something they had ever talked about. Why would they? Up until this point, their friendship had been almost completely platonic.  
Adam grabbed Ronan’s butt, pushing Ronan’s crotch down into his own. Ronan moaned, grinding down. The feeling was intense, and Adam was worried he would cum in his pants. He would have been embarrassed, but he knew Ronan was feeling something similar.

Adam leaned up and managed to flip them around so he was on top. He reached down, palming Ronan through his jeans. “Is this okay?” He said into Ronan’s mouth.

“Yes.” Ronan moaned, arching into the touch. Adam had never seen Ronan so out of control, so desperate and it made him even more aroused. Adam pulled his mouth away from Ronan’s and began kissing down his body until he reached Ronan’s jeans, mouthing at the bulge. “Yes.” Ronan moaned again, his hand finding his way into Adam’s hair.  
Adam unbuttoned Ronan’s pants, freeing his dick. Adam stared at it for a moment before taking it into his mouth. Adam bobbed once before Ronan’s grip in his hair tightened and he came with a yell.

Adam had never sucked a dick before, didn’t really know what to do except to swallow the cum. Ronan watched him, heavy-lidded, panting slightly.

“Come here,” Ronan said, his voice rough. Adam complied, moving to lay next to Ronan on the small single bed. Ronan glanced at Adam’s own bulge in his jeans, “Let me.”

Adam shook his head, kissing Ronan. “It’s okay. I’m good.” Ronan narrowed his eyes but let it drop. _Soon_ , the look said.

They sat, silent for a while before Adam spoke. “I’m sorry for what I said at the party.”

Ronan made a noise of agreement, “I was trying to drink my feelings away.”

Adam snorted, “Did it work?”

“Obviously not.” Ronan grinned at him. A proper one. It took Adam’s breath away, made his heart stutter in his chest.

“Good.” Adam whispered before kissing him once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you find any mistakes please let me know! <3


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